Your parents have been telling you your entire life what to do and what not to do and suddenly life hits and your clients yell at you and your boss is too busy to guide you. How do you handle this? Okay, first things first, how is it at all related to habits? Let's know.
I'll first give a quick recap on the habit loop. The loop consists of 3 elements that are cue (that puts the brain in automatic mode), routine (compilation of steps to follow), and reward ( the satisfactory prize). Cravings are what keeps the habit loop spinning.
For a better understanding, read Part 1 here.
According to Google, addiction is a brain disorder of compulsive commitment to a habit. But if it's compulsive then it must have been compelled by something or someone. The secret lies here.
As discussed in the last blog, one needs to trigger the craving to create a new habit. But to change an existing habit, one must address the old craving and feed the craving by inserting a new routine keeping the cue and rewards the same.
Does it not sound ridiculously simple? It seems like it should be a little more complex than this. But it isn't. As I explained in the last blog, you can reprogram the brain but you just need to be deliberate about it.
Coming back to the example of a smoker. What does a smoker exactly feel when he decides to hold a cigarette between his fingers? Smokers crave cigarettes because it's a means of escapism, relaxation, companionship, overcome anxieties, or an option for emotional release. These are the rewards.
If one wants to stop smoking. he should ask himself, does he do it because he loves the bust of stimulation it provides, or does he love nicotine? Or is it a way to socialize? If it's stimulations, coffee can provide the same (researches have shown). If it's nicotine, then there are Nicorette gums available in the market and if it's a way to escape reality or socialize, there are various other ways to do that too.
But no one will quit smoking cigarettes simply because they sketch a habit loop. You would often see that you call quits on cigarettes and alcohol for some time and eventually, you'll have a bad day and would see yourself smoking again.
The cues and cravings driving your habits won't make them suddenly disappear but they will give you a way to plan how to change a pattern.
There are 2 more important factors that help in habit change, willpower, and belief. I'll not bore you with the cliché lines like 'commitment to oneself; self-love' but would tell you real, proven reasons why these things matter.
Here comes the concept of keystone habits. Keystone habits are the habits that emerge a chain of reactions or what we call small wins in academic literature. These habits have a quality of spilling their effects on everything. They remake the other patterns of life.
Why did our parents force us to sit with the most studious group in the class? [my parents talked my teacher into even fixing my seat on the first desk:( ] We thought they were illogical. But this is the power of keystone habits. One habit starts a chain reaction of other habits.
When you joined the music or the sports classes in school, that 1-hour practice in the morning not only made you a good musician or a good athlete but its effects spilled over your life's other factors like building up confidence, improving focus and all this was able to go forward because you developed a self-regulatory strength.
Dozen of studies have shown that willpower is the single most important keystone habit for individual success. Self-discipline supports this.
People can develop willpower so well that willpower becomes automatic, leading to self-discipline, which forms a habit. The class toppers didn't work hard, their willpower was automatic.
But sometimes there are cases when you have the willpower to work but can't convert the willpower into self-discipline. Consider yourself when you want to get up in the morning for a run and you even set the alarm but you can't leave the bed.
Let's understand this.
There is a study at the Scottish orthopedic center on old-aged people who were most likely to fail. Each patient was given some blank pages with a heading my goals for the week are _____? The patients could write anything in it.
It seems absurd to think giving people a few pieces of blank paper might make a difference in their recovery strategy. Some people wrote for like 2 days and then quit. Some didn't write at all and some explained each step with minute details like what they'd be wearing or how they'll walk.
One of the patients had a problem with his leg and the pain was so extreme that he couldn't walk for more than 2 minutes. He had to meet his wife every day at the bus stand but couldn't do so.
So he wrote every obstacle he might confront like which pills would he take if his pain increases. He knew when the pain would be the highest and wrote down the way to handle the temptation of backing out. He came up with the solution ahead of time.
He identified an obvious cue- it's 3.30 it's time to meet my wife. He clearly defined the reward- honey, I am here! Now if the temptation would have arisen in between his routine, he knew how to deal with it.
He defined his willpower which led to the creation of self-disciplinary habits and now he has his reward and knows how to deal with pain.
This is how willpower becomes a habit: by choosing something ahead of time and then following the routine when an inflection point arrives. This keeps willpower intact.
Many companies use this method of establishing a sense of willpower in their employees. Sometimes customers can become unbearable and although the employee is willing to work, the customers make it impossible and one loses the patience and yells back.
Starbucks follows a process of giving out training manuals to the employees. It has a couple of blank pages where the employees have to write how they would deal with angry or a hurried customer.
Deloitte trains its employees for 185 hours in the first year alone about how to deal with an angry coworker or overwhelmed clients. For every moment, they have preprogrammed routine that guides the employees in how they should respond.
But one must remember, willpower is more of a muscle than a skill. One needs to train it like the muscles of our arms and legs (don't put a dumbbell on your head).
A group of like-minded people helps in changing the habits better even if the group is as large as 2 people. Use your group when you feel you might stumble.
To quit smoking, find a group that makes you believe that you can stay away from nicotine. (So our parents weren't wrong in making us sit with the studious ones after all, right? )
Obviously, habits don't change overnight. But willpower and belief are what would make the changes feasible and make the new routine a permanent one.
We often think about a better future but don't do anything about the root problems that have been in our minds forever.
But if you really want to, you need to believe that you can. Follow your keystone habits. Develop a self-disciplinary system and then let the brain do its work.
Remember, "People don't decide their future. They decide their habits and their habits decide their future."
Fascinating explanation